Full-time study and work: just stick to it

If you’ve been reading my blog posts for the last month, I’m sure you’ve picked up that I’m working full-time as well as studying full-time. I’ve been doing this for over a month now and I thought I’d share my experience and some tips that might come in handy if you’re thinking of embarking on formal study without having to quit your job.

Just a bit of background on what I do and why I chose to study and not quit my job: I’m a Communications and Engagement Advisor for a government department. My highest qualification to date is a National Diploma in Journalism. I never finished my degree and thought I’d take three papers this semester to fill in some ‘free-time’ gaps since it’s not like I’m doing anything productive. I’m completing a Bachelor of Professional Communications and I know it seems strange that I’m studying towards a job that I’m already in but I thought it’d be a good way to help me understand my role better from an academic perspective.

So getting into it…

Firstly, there’s no sugar coating it: balancing work and study is challenging. On top of that, there’s life and its many attractions and disruptions. The key to success is planning and discipline. You’d be surprised at how much you can achieve if you take time to set out a schedule and (here’s the real challenging part!) STICK TO IT.

I’m not going to lie: I still find it super challenging but I’ve never been good at balancing, multitasking or general discipline. For those of you who are good at all of that, then it’s a piece of cake and you’re probably reading this and having a bit of a chuckle. For those of you who are like me, fret not because I’m telling you it’s doable.

I set my study schedule in my bullet journal – I plan out what I’m going to study and which activities I’m going to complete and when, what assignments are due and when I should start them. I also set a time to start studying, allocate the hours of study and try my complete best to STICK TO IT. I know it seems like a lot of effort goes into planning this out in writing, but it’s what works for me so find what works for you. It could be as simple as putting your assignment and reading schedule into your phone’s calendar.

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If you know that a social gathering is coming up, plan around that. Perhaps allocate two hours of study that day and then treat the social gathering as a ‘reward’. If you find you really can’t bring yourself to stick to your planned study hours, that’s okay – shift it and study in an hour or two after you’ve relaxed and done what you need to. If you’re like me and have set TV shows you just simply can’t miss, plan around it so you don’t feel guilty about not studying when you’re supposed to.

Just because planning is one of the keys to success, doesn’t mean you can’t be flexible. It’s going to be a hard time so it’s important to be kind to yourself. There are times when I want to gauge my eyeballs out and cry from the stress but I have to remind myself that I’m only human and sometimes life gets challenging and despite it all, I can do it.

So again I reiterate – planning and discipline is going to be your best friend during this challenging time. When the going gets tough, please don’t give up. STICK TO IT. After all, when you get your assignments in, get that exam done and get that passing grade, you realise it was all worth it. Well I do anyways.

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Hopefully you found this post somewhat helpful. If you’re in the same boat as me, please share your secret to fulltime study/fulltime work success!

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The tale of online dating and I

In a previous post, I mentioned I’ve been single for about three years now.

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I guess that’s a while but I was seeing someone for about a year in that time. We weren’t ‘officially’ dating so I was technically still single but we weren’t seeing anyone else. I guess some people would debate that that means I wasn’t single the whole three years but I’m not going to go into the technical details of what’s considered ‘official’ and bla bla bla…

Before I met this gent, like most single adults, I decided to try online dating. I started off with a site called Badoo cause I was too chicken shit to try Tinder. Badoo is kinda like OkCupid but I was told AFTER I started using it that it’s for people who want nothing more than a shag.

Let’s get one thing clear – I wasn’t sure of what I was looking for. I just wanted to meet people and not be in anything serious. However, if it became serious then I would ride the wave and see what happens. I was just going to be open-minded about the whole experience.

Then I deleted my account and evolved to Tinder, where I made it a personal mission to hit 1,000 matches for lols. Tinder was one hell of an experience. I met so many people. It was interesting. I went on many dates and yes there were one night stands.

The meeting up part is always the hardest; particularly if you’re really getting along with them then you meet them and they’re not like you imagined them to be or they do things that sort of annoy you. Or if you’re shallow like me when it comes to height, they disappoint in that department by not being more than 5’10. I met this Irish dude and he was about my height. I’m a shortie at 5’2. Yes, I was disappointed. Even more disappointed when he was really boring too. I ended the date in 15 minutes.

You also meet some real characters. This guy told me a story he claimed “you would really enjoy” and it was about how he came home really drunk one night and passed out outside his bedroom door in his boxers and his stepdad had to wake him up and turns out his balls were hanging out. Firstly, why did he say I would enjoy this story and secondly, why did he whisper the word “balls”?! There was no need. It would’ve been a funny story if he were a bit more casual in the delivery department! I ended up making eye contact with this cutie at the bar and we smiled at each other and had a moment before I reminded myself I was on a disastrous date with a guy and needed to stop checking out other guys to compensate for lack of connection.

Then there was this other guy who told me I reminded him of his ex in terms of looks and personality. He said she was great (wonderful!) but she destroyed him and stomped on his heart (not so wonderful!). Then he said he was hungry but didn’t want to eat if I wasn’t eating. I’m sorry I ate before I left for the date given I thought we were going to just have coffee. In the midst of his hunger tantrum, I agreed to have a milkshake. I didn’t even want the fucking milkshake. Then he wanted to drive me home despite me saying, “no thanks, I’ll walk” many times. Anyways, he dropped me off a few houses down from my place and then turned off his engine as soon as we got there. Um excuse me? I told him I was tired and I was going to go straight to bed (I didn’t realise this excuse was far from believable until I saw the time: 8pm). He begrudgingly said it was okay and asked for a kiss. I said I’d rather not and I’ll see him next time. I waited for him to leave before I ran back home. I never saw him again. There are many more stories to share but I’m not going to bore you with them.

I’ve tried OkCupid as well. Haven’t met anyone on there. To be fair, I only go on when I’ve got messages. I recently downloaded Tinder again and I’m still trying to figure out why. The conversations I have are quite stagnant and to be honest, I’m not actually looking for anything. Not even a shag. Why you may ask? Well, I’ll save that for another post.

I had quite a relaxed, YOLO attitude towards meeting people in person. I wanted to give them a chance and more often than not, I would leave disappointed. What was I doing wrong? Is there a process I should be following to ensure success? I mean I’m a pretty chilled and open-minded person! If you don’t believe me, look:

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Only a chilled, open-minded person would pose like that in front of a cow sign.

Anyways, I was so, so close to giving up when I actually met someone.

I’m not here to rubbish the experience I had with online dating. I actually met some incredible people as well – some who I consider friends and still talk to and some I couldn’t be with because of circumstances (yes I did fall for about three guys in my time of online dating). While it may seem like there’s a hell of a lot of people on these platforms wanting to ‘score’, there are definitely people on there who are genuinely looking for connection and well, love. I met quite a few blokes that actually wanted a relationship… but I didn’t. Well, not with them anyways.

While online dating is hard and can leave you with plenty of horror stories to share, I think singles should definitely give it a go. It’s an interesting experience and sometimes you do find a diamond amongst all the rocks. I’ve yet to find a diamond but then it’s not like I’m trying to find a diamond. In fact, I’m saving Tinder for when I go to the UK in hopes of finding a rock star OR a Scandinavian Norse God that’s 8-foot god knows. Yes, my expectations are realistic 😛

For now, my love life looks a little bit like this:

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And that’s totally okay!

Got any dating horror stories to share? I’d love to hear them!

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For those of you who are wondering, yes I did reach my 1,000 matches goal. I actually screenshotted it so I could send it to my mate to prove to him I could do it. What a retard.

 

Always remember sunscreen

The other day, my lovely co-worker sent me a link to Baz Luhrmann’s ‘Everybody’s free to wear sunscreen’. It was honestly the sweetest thing in the world given that I was having a pretty rough day at work. Oh and he sweetened it up even more by buying me a hot chocolate as well (thank you Alex!!!).

The reason why I was having a rough day was because I was filled with self-doubt about my career choice and my ability to do my job well. I guess I wasn’t getting much job satisfaction lately because I wasn’t involved in as many projects as I’d like to be and the projects that I was on were all placed on hold.

Anyways, Alex took me out for hot chocolate, listened to me moan about my first world problems and when I came back from lunch, the link was waiting for me in my inbox. It really put a smile on my dial because it put things in perspective for me and it was pretty inspirational. I sent the link to my sister and my friend and her response was “oh I remember this from high school or something… funny how it’s actually relevant now and makes sense”. Pretty accurate.

To be fair, if I read the essay or watched the video in high school it probably wouldn’t have resonated with me as much as it does now. It makes a lot of sense… especially being kind to your knees because I know for a fact that I’d miss them when they’re gone!

So what is this ‘wear sunscreen’ anyways? It’s an essay originally titled “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young” (how relevant!) and columnist Mary Schmich writes it like a commencement speech. It was published in 1997 in the Chicago Tribune.

There are many elements of the essay that’s relatable to all of us. Sometimes I feel like we’re all strung up in the rat race of adult life and we start feeling weak and lose our purpose but the thing is, we shouldn’t lose purpose. Failure is part of life; success comes from learning from these failures. If you keep making the same mistakes, it’s time to sit down, breathe and work out what it is that’s driving you to make those mistakes over and over again.

And then there’s worrying. I’m a stickler for worrying about EVERYTHING… right down to the minuscule detail. But it’s true what the essay says… “worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum”. I accept it’s true and I’m getting better at worrying less so I can declutter le brain.

So what I’m saying is, when life gets hard and you feel like you’ve had enough, do as Alex says… just remember sunscreen.

IMG_2293 Yes, I went to work the next day and he left me a bubba bottle of sunscreen with a wee reminder. I have that reminder taped to my computer monitor and it has actually helped when the going gets tough at work 🙂 Thanks Alex.

Also, if you’ve succeeded in remembering compliments and forgetting insults, please share how you do this. For real.

Five things that made me happy this week #5

Wow guise, it’s the second to last episode of five things and I’m really feeling the sadness. I also feel like I should open this with an apology. I’m really sorry about not posting for a while! It’s honestly been a pretty crazy week and I hate making excuses for tardiness but it’s really not an excuse. Busy life just suddenly reared its ugly head!

I’ve got some exciting news… but I’ll share it in a later post once everything has rolled into place. Apologies aside, I’ve got some tops to share and hopefully you find them interesting!

Hot chocolate and sunscreen

 I work with this lovely gent named Alex and after a pretty stressful week, he took me out for hot chocolate (which he paid for!!! Naughty), listened to me moan and then sent me an inspirational link to ‘Wear sunscreen’. I don’t know if you guys have heard about the video but I’ve dedicated an entire post to this so I won’t get into much detail. I’ll be posting sometime this week but I thought this deserved to make it on my list because it really made me happy!

Alex, if you’re reading this – thank you. You’re amazing.

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Disclaimer: not actual photo of hot chocolate that was had on that day but I stumbled across this typical “I went to Starbucks so I’ve got to take a picture” picture and thought I’d use in absence of the actual photo of our hot chocolates in takeaway cups.

More projects

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I really enjoy being busy at work. Despite the stress it can cause, it just feels way more fulfilling and I feel more engaged and like as if I’m learning things. Plus new projects usually mean more challenges and I love myself some good challenges!

I work for a government department here in sunny/windy Wellington so I don’t want to bore you with the details of the different projects I’ve recently been assigned to but they are pretty meaty babies and I’m just really excited about sinking my teeth into them!

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Watch ‘em grow baby!

I’m a shit saver. I know a lot of people say that but I’m not saying it just for the sake of saying it. I’m legit a horrible saver. Try and try as I may, I always end up back to $0 (I guess if we’re trying to view this positively, at least it’s still in the positives and not the negatives but still!).

So I’ve started saving properly and it’s been a great feeling watching my savings grow. I mean I wish it was more than the current three digits but it’s a really good start for me. I should be proud of me… as long as me keeps it up of course. Pray for me guise.

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Southern lights

This one is truly a highlight for me. I’ve been barking on about going to Iceland and catching the northern lights and never did I think that we actually had southern lights… and turns out I actually live an island away from it.

Anyways, on Sunday night when I was meant to finish an essay that was due at 11.59pm, I got a phone call from my friend and her flatmate saying that the lights have been sighted and we should go to the Red Rocks and try our luck at catching it. Of course, Michelle and her priorities says “HELL YES”. So off we went on our little venture… now let me just point out, the lights are not visible to the naked eye – you need to see it through camera lens.

Because they had put an article on stuff.co.nz (NZ news website) on the aurora sightings in Auckland and in Wellington, everyone had the same idea of trying their luck to view this potentially once in a lifetime experience. Red rocks was jam-packed and it was freeeeeeeeeeeezing cold but guess what? We caught it.

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I’m so amazed at the fact that we managed to see this from Dawn’s camera lenses given that what we saw through the naked eye was a pitch-black sky filled with stars. The contrast was astounding. I still can’t believe this was seen at a beach that’s a 10-minute drive away from my home. Definitely ticked this off my bucket list.

Reasonable grades 

You know how I mentioned I had an assignment due at 11.59pm on the night I went out to see the southern lights? Yes well a bit of a backstory – I had actually forgotten I had the essay due that day. After a picnic and a walk, I went home at 5.00pm to commence assignment mode but then I fell asleep for 20 minutes while going through my course work. Then I got up, wrote a couple of sentences, decided it was a good idea to bake cookies, went back to work and wrote a couple more sentences, decided I was hungry so made cottage pie, then went back to work but My Kitchen Rules Australia was on and then the phone call. At that point, I was sitting at approximately 128 words. My essay is meant to be 500 words. No biggie though right?

So after I came home from viewing the southern lights, I had about one and a half hours to do some more research and writing. The story ends with a 629-word essay that was submitted 2 minutes late. Ah well. I wouldn’t trade the southern lights for more time on my essay. No way, José.

I got my results today for this essay and one I did last week. I got a C+ for this essay. How?! I don’t even know. I was over the word limit and the essay was shite. When I realized I had ran out of time and had to submit, I didn’t even bother doing a once-over. I just sent it and that was that. But a C+?! I was really expecting that much deserved F for eFfort or even a D for diddle so it was a very welcome surprise getting a C+. But they do say that C’s get degrees.

I got a B+ for my last essay, which I was pretty surprised by to be honest. I haven’t written an academic essay for years so pretty solid effort. Although, I went through the marking schedule and by golly, it was As galore right up to the in-text citation where I got an E because I cited references incorrectly so that dropped my grade to a B+. I totally don’t want to let it get to me but… it does get me. But you know what? I’ll live. I just need to work on my in-text citation. Boom. The power of positivity.

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Anyways, I feel like this week’s top five things that made me happy post isn’t the most exciting but it honestly has been a pretty crazy week. I’ve just been so busy with work, study and life stuffs. You should be proud of me for taking the time to remember the things that made me happy!

I’m also planning on getting back on schedule so there will be more posts. I’m truly sorry for slacking off but I promise you I’ll be back. I haven’t forgotten about you.

It would make me so happy if you shared what made you happy this week! Even if it’s one thing!

Why I love climbing hills

I know what you’re thinking. Why the fuck would anyone love climbing hills? It’s hard work and it’s exercise and don’t pretend like you enjoy hard work and exercise.

Well, I’m not going to pretend I like either of those things because I don’t. What I love though is the end result of the hard work and exercise required to climb the hill. Let me break it down for you:

You’re at the bottom looking up. You see your destination and you’re thinking “Fuck. This.” Fair enough. You’re full of adrenaline and your brain is thinking of all the excuses in the world to not do the climb but there’s another part of you that’s telling you “yo, the view up top will be mean g”. You start walking and taking those first few steps are the hardest because you’re still debating and thinking “it’s not too late to turn back now. No one is going to think you’re a pussy for giving up. It’s okay to do it now” because you know once you’re halfway and you give up, that’s when people are allowed to judge you and label you a ‘giver upper’. If you give up and turn back, you know you’ll feel relief for not having to climb anymore but when you think about later tonight, in bed, you’re going to think you’re a sore loser and that you should’ve just kept going and seen the views and now you’ll have to start it all over again and go through all the drama.

So you decide to ignore all those negative thoughts and go ahead with the climb. You’re in pain, you’re sweating, you’re red-faced and you’re well, dying on the inside and out. You’re cursing, you keep stopping for breath and water and you’re trying not to cry. But you push through and you keep moving. Then suddenly, it’s all over. You’re there. You’re up top g. You’re on top of the world.

Suddenly, all the negatives disappear. You look down at the world and you think “I fucking did it”. I did the thing. You take many photos, you show off and you don’t even care about showing off because you know that people are going to be somewhat jealous of the sweet 360 views. You tell your friends, your family, your exes (okay maybe not) and they’re all proud of you.

And that, my friends, is why I love climbing hills. It’s a constant reminder of the hurdles you face in life and why in the end, it’s going to be okay and when you reflect, you’re going to smile at having experienced it despite the shittiness you had to go through in between. Plus check out these sick views:

IMG_2130IMG_1205IMG_1208IMG_1212 (1)Makara, Wellington

IMG_1975Rimutaka Trig Track, between Wairarapa and Wellington

IMG_1623IMG_1625IMG_1613Mount Kaukau, Wellington

IMG_0539IMG_1555Some hill in Wadestown ft. my parents, Wellington

IMG_0730IMG_0732IMG_0735IMG_0736Pencarrow Lighthouse, Eastbourne, Wellington

If you’re in Wellington and need some inspiration of hills to climb, I encourage you to check these places out. As you can see, the views are absolutely stunning!

Five things that made me happy this week #4

I know, I know… it’s a couple of days late but it’s been a busy week for me, particularly because it was a long weekend and I’ve had to catch up on work, study, assignments and driving back to New Plymouth to spend time with my parents. Despite the busyness and occasional stress, it’s been a great week filled with plenty of sparkly, glittery, sprinkle-y happiness (even though one would think it’d be a shit week given we’ve had a cyclone warning… LOL). Well… shall we begin?

Sunny days in the ‘Naki

Okay, so this year every time I go home to New Plymouth the weathers been absolutely SHITHOUSE (no exaggeration). Usually every summer, I have the opportunity to go for a swim at the beach but this year, I’ve not had the chance to because, well, the weather.

This weekend however the weathers been amaze-balls. I can’t even describe. Despite weather warnings of Cyclone Cook, it’s been pretty sunny and pretty warm with the occasional ‘sun showers’. I don’t even mind that I go to sleep to the sound of the rain drumming against the rooftop because every time I wake up, the blue skies and sun greet me with a smile.

I’ve caught up with a few of my good friends, chased the waves, met the friendliest little Samoyed called Bear, rolled down the Bowl of Brooklands (ended up with my skirt over my head but hey, such is life), ate fish and chips on the beach (FINALLY!), went to the zoo, encountered a Meerkat that’s prettier than me, walked along Oakura Beach (fuckin’ love that beach) and ate lots of good food (thanks mama bear!). Honestly, it feels like summer and I wish it never ends.

Second birthday week?

I’m not greedy. I put a question mark at the end of it because even though my birthday was last week, I found myself still receiving presents and birthday greetings. No, I’m not complaining! Hence why it’s made it to my list.

My sister bought me some penguin socks, a book, a calligraphy pen kit and some watercolour markers. Honestly, they’re so cool! And then my landlord (no I didn’t misspell, I do mean ‘landlord’. Yes I’m referring to the man who owns the house I live in and I pay him rent in order to continue living under the roof) brought some gifts for me too – a card, a bottle of chardonnay and a box of chocolates. I’ve never heard of landlords giving tenants gift so it was the loveliest surprise! Thanks Tim!

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Bear

On Friday, I met a beautiful Samoyed called Bear. I’m dedicating an entire section to her because ma lawd she made me the happiest person in the world!

I’m a lover of both cats and dogs and the only reason why I don’t currently own a dog is because I’m not settled and I don’t think it’s fair to own a dog while you’re not settled. I want to travel and eventually own a house so until I’ve done those two things, I’m not going to own a dog, or dogs for that matter. At the moment, I’m frothing over owning a Samoyed and a pug. Unlikeliest duo but I think it’d be the cutest damn thing ever!

So more about Bear… she’s so beautiful and fluffy and super, duper friendly. She was wet but didn’t even smell like wet dog, which was weird. She plays fetch and kept digging a hole to show off. Honestly, she’s just made my entire week. I’m just so in love and after she walked away with her hottie Slovakian dog-walker, a part of me just died. No joke. I miss her so much. If only I knew where she lives because… you know… I’d just visit… and not attempt to kidnap her…

This photo depicts the moment I spotted Bear…

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… and the moment I got hold of Bear… SO FRIGGIN’ HAPPY.

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Get your sh*t together

Yes, I’m referring to the anti-self-help book by Sarah Knight. It was a birthday prezzie from my sister and in her words “I’m not saying you don’t have your shit together but I thought I’d buy it cause I know you’d enjoy it”. I totally agree with her on the whole enjoy part but I dunno bout the having my shit together part.

I’m not finished with the book yet but so far I’m finding it thoroughly enjoyable. She provides you with practical tips and writes with great insight and is quite, well, relatable (to me anyways). Right now, I’m so on that $5/day saving train and I know it’s sad that it’s taken an ‘anti-self-help’ book to teach me how to save but it’s just that sometimes you need to read an insightful little book that just kicks your arse and inspires you to want to be a better you and then you go out there and be a better you. Does that make sense? I dunno. It’s probably some nonsensical rambling (I’m good at those!) I suggest you just buy the book, read it, understand what I’m on about and YOLO.

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Please ignore the crease on the top right hand corner of the book and the state of my nails 😛

Finishing my first official assignment

Guise, seriously, I feel like I’ve just won a war – a war with words that is! I completely forgot how annoying writing essays can be. I mean, this photo pretty much sums up my feelings at 1.45am this morning.

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… and I’ve JUST completed it. After sleepless, stressful nights, I can finally breathe and sleep easy. I think what I find the most challenging with assignments is switching up my writing tone – work and blogging means I get to be friendly, enthusiastic and conversational. Academic writing means none of that – I have to be serious, no contractions, long sentences and yawn, reference everything. Oh wait, the word count is bitch too.

Anyways, I know this one’s a boring one but I feel so chuffed. When I pressed that ‘Submit’ button, I just felt the weight of the world lift and disappear. Time for ten cups of tea to soothe my aching brain…

Do share your happiest moments this week!

 

 

 

It’s going to be okay

Hey kid,

It’s going to be okay. You’re worried about never finding a boyfriend. Guess what: you do. You’re worried about disappointing your parents by deciding to leave uni cause you’re not happy. They’re not disappointed. You’re mad because you spend monies on dumb things. Bad news: you still do.

I know it seems like life feels completely and utterly hopeless right now because you’re stuck in a ‘set room’ with a shitty roommate, you don’t have many friends, your family’s far away, you’re lost and confused because you want to study everything and nothing and worst of all, you’re still a virgin at 18. But remember last summer? Fish and chips, lying on all the grass in New Plymouth, driving missions, hanging out at beaches and Rihanna’s ‘Please don’t stop the music’? It was the best summer ever – hold on to those memories because they’ll help get you through the rough.

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Right now, you’re probably thinking about Lachie down the hall and how your floor mates thought it’d be funny to lock you in his room that night. He was so nice to you! Should’ve just kissed him. But you didn’t and that’s okay (unfortunately, you two don’t end up together. Weirdly enough, you still think about him but very occasionally. I’m still trying to work out why you do).

Let me tell you about your future. You’re going to go through so many emotions in the coming months – both good and bad. You’re going to test your friendship with an old workmate and I’m sorry to say, you’re going to disappoint her. Not once, but twice. And worst of all, over a boy. Actually, two boys. It’s okay, you eventually learn your lesson.

Right now, you feel like you’re always going to be one of the boys and die a virgin with 60 million cats. But you’re not (well the 60 million cats is still up for debate). You’re going to get noticed. In fact, the big v-plate ends with one of your best friends. You’re also going to think you love him. This is when you realise that with intimacy, comes a lot of confusion.

You’re also going to trust too easily and it’s gonna take one boy to destroy your trust. Oh, plus your low self-esteem. I’m sorry to say you’re going to carry your distrust into other relationships and it’s going to take the most patient man to tolerate you. You’re going to have to work really hard to be better at trust.

You’re going to go on a rampage where you think it’s okay to hurt other boys because you’ve been hurt. You’re going to pretend like you don’t care and you’re going to give yourself freely because you like feeling like you’re in control. You know how you’re always afraid of rejection so you don’t do anything about it and you admire people that pour their heart out and think people that reject others are fuckwits? Guess what, you become somewhat of a fuckwit.

You’ll trample on boys’ feelings when they take the leap and tell you how they feel because it’s easier for you to not care. You’re going to be the master of ‘ghosting’. Then, the tables will turn and you’ll meet someone who gives you the world and treats you the way you deserve. But because you don’t trust anyone, even yourself, you’re going to hurt him and you’re going to fuck things up. You’re going to realise what you’ve done and you’re going to go through a lot of pain. I’m sorry but there’s no going back on that one.

But it’s not all that bad. You’re going to grow closer to your family (unfortunately, you’re going to continue relying on Father). You get a proper job and you’re good at it. You’re going to wake up and learn to love yourself. You’re going to enjoy your own company and you’re going to concentrate on being a better you. And yes, you’re working really, really hard to trust again. You’re still battling confidence but you’re working towards improving it. You really are so you should be proud. The only thing you should be disappointed about is the fact that you’re still shit when it comes to money and saving.

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Remember that when the going gets tough, you get tougher. You’ve experienced and learnt so much and you survived. You’re a survivor. Don’t be afraid of what’s to come because despite all the shit, you’ve done so much good and you’re continuing to do good for yourself, your family, your friends and your future. And when you feel alone, you need to remember you’re never alone.

I promise you kid it’s going to be okay. Everything keeps getting better. So don’t be afraid. Smile.

xoxo Future you

p.s. bitch, can’t believe you cried when you turned 18. you’re now on the wrong end of 20, wishing you could go back.

p.p.s. you’re still trying to replicate summer 2007 because every summer since just can’t seem to beat it. good luck!

photo credit: the lovely dawnchapmanphoto (yes I’m her back model). check out her stuffs yo!