Today, I’m choosing myself

Today’s blog is a creative piece that I felt I needed to write. It’s almost like a letter saying hello to myself and goodbye to the old. I hope you like it as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it.

684f73a57c0eec370c8d8e6b3f8bebd9Pinterest

There have been plenty of days where I’ve thought about you and wondered how you were doing, what you were doing, if you’re thinking about me, if you’re thinking about us and if you’re counting the hours, minutes and seconds until we see each other again.

Today is not one of those days. Today is the day where I’m going to think about how I’m doing, what I’m doing, what I’m going to accomplish and who I need to be. Today is the day that I’m going to stop wasting my time looking at my phone, waiting for your message or worst yet, waiting for you.

Today I’m going to scroll through memes and enjoy them without thinking of sharing them with you; I’m going to lie in the spot that you used to sleep in and enjoy the space instead of wishing you were in it. I’m going to text my friends and get excited when they reply without wishing it was you I was texting. I’m going to walk through the park in the rain with a smile on my face without wishing you were there with me. Today, I’m going to do everything for me without you having any power or influence over any of my decisions and my happiness.

I know it’s not going to be an easy ride but it starts with one day; a day to acknowledge that you’ve had plenty of chances and opportunities, that I’ve given you so much more than you’ve given back, that I’ve lost myself with you and that I’m better off without you. Today I’m choosing myself; I’m going to let go of all the thoughts in my head and the heaviness in my heart and I’m going to heal and come out stronger.

It’s easy for us to choose others’ happiness and thoughts over our own; it’s harder to focus on living and enjoying life when we’re too busy thinking about what we’ve done to push someone away. It’s not easy loving yourself when you’re busy loving someone else and blaming yourself when they don’t return the feelings because you feel like it’s your fault. Of course it’s your fault; why aren’t you perfect? You need to be more perfect. You hate yourself for not being their idea of perfection.

But that’s no longer going to be case. I am perfect; they’re just not perfect for me. Today I choose to accept myself and my shortcomings and I’m going to listen to myself. I’m going to learn to love myself and work through my flaws and I’m going to grow and become stronger. It’s the beginning of a decision that will last forever. It’s the beginning of me choosing to no longer put you ahead of me. It’s the beginning of me forgetting you and choosing me.

Today, I’m choosing myself.

040fd4201750ad7021d0398385f5b185.jpg Pinterest
Advertisements

You do you boo

I’m back. I realised that I lied in my last post about spamming you guys with blog posts after being sick. I didn’t lie on purpose; I had every intention of spamming you guys with blog posts but unfortunately, the sickness took over and I was left bedridden and unhappy.

Now, after two months, I finally feel well enough to get my life back on track. And part of that is getting back to blogging.

Let me tell you, when you’re sick, particularly bedridden, you’re left with a lot of time to yourself to think, worry and stress about things. I chose to view it as an opportunity to reprioritise my life and think about what’s actually important to me. I thought I’d share with you the top three things I learnt and am vowing to keep in my top three priorities.

Work is not important

I repeat, work is not important. Sure having money is lovely but at the end of the day, you need to think about you and make sure you’re well and happy before you commit to your career.

I know this seems like quite an obvious point but I’ve always been a high achiever so I ended up working long hours just to try and please and get results that are beyond 100%. A recurring theme from feedback I’d get from my managers is that sometimes 80% is perfect and I should accept that. Weeeeell, took me getting sick to learn that lesson.

Last week was my first week at work and I’ve been taking it easy. I’m slowly learning that I don’t need to stress myself out in order to get brilliant results. And I don’t need to break my back on overtime that’s basically unjustified. Like my last manager used to say to me, sometimes 80% is good enough so learn to accept that when you’ve given it your all and done your best, that’s all you can do and that’s all someone should expect of you.

You should be your number one priority

Another obvious one, but I think sometimes we need to be reminded that we should be looking after ourselves and making sure we’re our number one priority. Because let’s be honest, it’s unlikely that we’re anyone else’s number one priority. Sometimes life gets a bit crazy and we forget. And I know I’m not the only one that forgets!

Remember this is the only life you’ve got to live and it’s hard to live it to the fullest when you’re unwell. Trust me, I know.

Go home early, have that bath, buy that scarf you’ve been eyeballing for a thousand years, ask that girl that makes your coffee every morning out… (okay getting carried away). My point is, make sure you do you boo.

Life is short

A recurring theme in all these points but it’s true. Life is so damn short. Remember when you were younger and you thought life was moving so slowly and you just wanted to grow up and make your own rules and do all these awesome things? And then you finally grow up and you’re like “oh shivers, now I’m running out of time to do all those awesome things cause time is moving so fast”.

Yeah well my friend, time is moving pretty quickly but it’s never too late to do all those awesome things you wanna do.

Live your life man. Look after yourself. After all, it’s the only one you’ll get so make the most of it.

il_340x270.1272640127_kkga

 

 

Listen while you work

I don’t know about you guys, but whenever I need to get shit done at work, I listen to podcasts. I never understood the whole rage with podcasts; I used to think they were like audible books which I’ve tried once and just couldn’t concentrate so decided not to do it again. Plus, nothing beats the satisfaction of reading the words and holding an actual book… or e-book.

podcast photo

My last manager listened to podcasts whenever she worked and I thought it was very fascinating. One day I decided to give it a go and surprisingly, I found it quite enjoyable. I know what you’re thinking; how the hell do you concentrate on your work if you’re listening to someone talk in your ear? To be honest, I have no idea! But it works! It’s less distracting than listening to music as well because with music, I always find myself tapping my feet and humming along and creating music video scenarios in my head (I know you do it too!). And if I don’t listen to anything I get sucked into the hustle and bustle of everyday conversations going on around me and I’d rather not listen in on other people’s convos. It makes me really uncomfortable. I’ve never been good at multitasking but surprisingly, I’m really good at listening to the podcast AND doing work.

I thought I’d share with you my top five favourite podcasts. So if you’re a podcast-listener-worker like me and are looking for some new recommendations, or if you’re a podcast virgin looking to pop that cherry, you’ve come to the right place.

On your marks, set, GO…

Casefile 

This is my absolute favourite podcast. I listen to it while cooking, cleaning, commuting and well, working. Each week, the podcast covers well-known murders and what I like the most about it is the fact that they go into great detail; from the background of the murderers, to their crimes right through to their death or sentencing. I’m a fan of murder mysteries and crime and like watching documentaries and tv shows on murders (my Netflix recommendations list is looking pretty damn gory) so that’s why I enjoy this podcast. It may not be the podcast for everyone, just because it can be quite grisly, but if you enjoy a good history lesson on well-known murders, I highly recommend it.

Success Insider 

This was one of the first podcasts I listened to and I actually quite enjoy it. It’s part of SUCCESS magazine and is hosted by Shelby Skrhak and Josh Ellis. Each week, they discuss the latest trends in personal empowerment and career development and give you lots of tips and tricks on how to be more productive and move up that career ladder. I think what I like most about this podcast is the conversations the two hosts have. Usually I find podcasts like these to be kind of stale with lots of really pretentious music but for a ‘self-help’ podcast, I’ve really enjoyed this one. Plus, each episode is nice and short too.

The Inquiry

If you’ve got an interest in current affairs without wanting to spend too much time on it, I highly recommend this podcast by the BBC World Service. They cover topical issues and ask the hard-hitting questions, and best of all, they do it in half an hour or less. When it comes to world issues or politics, I’m not going to lie I like getting the facts and I don’t like listening to long, overly drawn commentary and opinion. I just want an intro to the issue and if I’m really interested, I would go and do some research. This one is great for getting the who, what, when, where and how.

TEDTalks

I have a funny feeling that everyone who listens to podcasts will have TEDTalks on their subscribed list. TEDTalks have made such a name of themselves and what I love about listening to it is it’s inspiring (and short!) and covers a range of topics from business, technology, world issues to emotions, relationships, mental health and creativity. So if you feel like listening to something motivating, check it out because I guarantee you’ll find a topic of interest and learn and thing or two.

BTW, the hyperlink will take you to their website where you can also access videos. I listen to podcasts on the Apple Podcast app.  

Myths and Legends

I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to fairy tales, legends, folklores and myths. There’s so many out there and I can’t keep up with them. What I love about this podcast is that I get to be transported to a different era with host Jason Weiser covering what the legend/myth/folklore is about and its origins. It’s so fascinating and is a great one to listen to when you’re stuck in the office doing mundane things and just want to be transported to a different world.

Yes I’m a fantasist and can easily transport myself to a different world but sometimes, you need a little help and that’s where this podcast comes in. Also, if you’re a history buff like me, you get a bit of a history lesson too which makes it extra awesome!

So here’s my top five list. Some other recommendations I’d love to share are:

Have you got a favourite podcast that you think I should check out? Please comment below and share because I’m always on the hunt for new podcasts to listen to!

Five things that made me happy this week #5

Wow guise, it’s the second to last episode of five things and I’m really feeling the sadness. I also feel like I should open this with an apology. I’m really sorry about not posting for a while! It’s honestly been a pretty crazy week and I hate making excuses for tardiness but it’s really not an excuse. Busy life just suddenly reared its ugly head!

I’ve got some exciting news… but I’ll share it in a later post once everything has rolled into place. Apologies aside, I’ve got some tops to share and hopefully you find them interesting!

Hot chocolate and sunscreen

 I work with this lovely gent named Alex and after a pretty stressful week, he took me out for hot chocolate (which he paid for!!! Naughty), listened to me moan and then sent me an inspirational link to ‘Wear sunscreen’. I don’t know if you guys have heard about the video but I’ve dedicated an entire post to this so I won’t get into much detail. I’ll be posting sometime this week but I thought this deserved to make it on my list because it really made me happy!

Alex, if you’re reading this – thank you. You’re amazing.

IMG_2050

Disclaimer: not actual photo of hot chocolate that was had on that day but I stumbled across this typical “I went to Starbucks so I’ve got to take a picture” picture and thought I’d use in absence of the actual photo of our hot chocolates in takeaway cups.

More projects

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I really enjoy being busy at work. Despite the stress it can cause, it just feels way more fulfilling and I feel more engaged and like as if I’m learning things. Plus new projects usually mean more challenges and I love myself some good challenges!

I work for a government department here in sunny/windy Wellington so I don’t want to bore you with the details of the different projects I’ve recently been assigned to but they are pretty meaty babies and I’m just really excited about sinking my teeth into them!

f7a3592d99651d331191e10677970e7b

Watch ‘em grow baby!

I’m a shit saver. I know a lot of people say that but I’m not saying it just for the sake of saying it. I’m legit a horrible saver. Try and try as I may, I always end up back to $0 (I guess if we’re trying to view this positively, at least it’s still in the positives and not the negatives but still!).

So I’ve started saving properly and it’s been a great feeling watching my savings grow. I mean I wish it was more than the current three digits but it’s a really good start for me. I should be proud of me… as long as me keeps it up of course. Pray for me guise.

tkt7x

Southern lights

This one is truly a highlight for me. I’ve been barking on about going to Iceland and catching the northern lights and never did I think that we actually had southern lights… and turns out I actually live an island away from it.

Anyways, on Sunday night when I was meant to finish an essay that was due at 11.59pm, I got a phone call from my friend and her flatmate saying that the lights have been sighted and we should go to the Red Rocks and try our luck at catching it. Of course, Michelle and her priorities says “HELL YES”. So off we went on our little venture… now let me just point out, the lights are not visible to the naked eye – you need to see it through camera lens.

Because they had put an article on stuff.co.nz (NZ news website) on the aurora sightings in Auckland and in Wellington, everyone had the same idea of trying their luck to view this potentially once in a lifetime experience. Red rocks was jam-packed and it was freeeeeeeeeeeezing cold but guess what? We caught it.

18057999_10158743422130352_78087338831765506_n

I’m so amazed at the fact that we managed to see this from Dawn’s camera lenses given that what we saw through the naked eye was a pitch-black sky filled with stars. The contrast was astounding. I still can’t believe this was seen at a beach that’s a 10-minute drive away from my home. Definitely ticked this off my bucket list.

Reasonable grades 

You know how I mentioned I had an assignment due at 11.59pm on the night I went out to see the southern lights? Yes well a bit of a backstory – I had actually forgotten I had the essay due that day. After a picnic and a walk, I went home at 5.00pm to commence assignment mode but then I fell asleep for 20 minutes while going through my course work. Then I got up, wrote a couple of sentences, decided it was a good idea to bake cookies, went back to work and wrote a couple more sentences, decided I was hungry so made cottage pie, then went back to work but My Kitchen Rules Australia was on and then the phone call. At that point, I was sitting at approximately 128 words. My essay is meant to be 500 words. No biggie though right?

So after I came home from viewing the southern lights, I had about one and a half hours to do some more research and writing. The story ends with a 629-word essay that was submitted 2 minutes late. Ah well. I wouldn’t trade the southern lights for more time on my essay. No way, José.

I got my results today for this essay and one I did last week. I got a C+ for this essay. How?! I don’t even know. I was over the word limit and the essay was shite. When I realized I had ran out of time and had to submit, I didn’t even bother doing a once-over. I just sent it and that was that. But a C+?! I was really expecting that much deserved F for eFfort or even a D for diddle so it was a very welcome surprise getting a C+. But they do say that C’s get degrees.

I got a B+ for my last essay, which I was pretty surprised by to be honest. I haven’t written an academic essay for years so pretty solid effort. Although, I went through the marking schedule and by golly, it was As galore right up to the in-text citation where I got an E because I cited references incorrectly so that dropped my grade to a B+. I totally don’t want to let it get to me but… it does get me. But you know what? I’ll live. I just need to work on my in-text citation. Boom. The power of positivity.

images

Anyways, I feel like this week’s top five things that made me happy post isn’t the most exciting but it honestly has been a pretty crazy week. I’ve just been so busy with work, study and life stuffs. You should be proud of me for taking the time to remember the things that made me happy!

I’m also planning on getting back on schedule so there will be more posts. I’m truly sorry for slacking off but I promise you I’ll be back. I haven’t forgotten about you.

It would make me so happy if you shared what made you happy this week! Even if it’s one thing!

Why I love climbing hills

I know what you’re thinking. Why the fuck would anyone love climbing hills? It’s hard work and it’s exercise and don’t pretend like you enjoy hard work and exercise.

Well, I’m not going to pretend I like either of those things because I don’t. What I love though is the end result of the hard work and exercise required to climb the hill. Let me break it down for you:

You’re at the bottom looking up. You see your destination and you’re thinking “Fuck. This.” Fair enough. You’re full of adrenaline and your brain is thinking of all the excuses in the world to not do the climb but there’s another part of you that’s telling you “yo, the view up top will be mean g”. You start walking and taking those first few steps are the hardest because you’re still debating and thinking “it’s not too late to turn back now. No one is going to think you’re a pussy for giving up. It’s okay to do it now” because you know once you’re halfway and you give up, that’s when people are allowed to judge you and label you a ‘giver upper’. If you give up and turn back, you know you’ll feel relief for not having to climb anymore but when you think about later tonight, in bed, you’re going to think you’re a sore loser and that you should’ve just kept going and seen the views and now you’ll have to start it all over again and go through all the drama.

So you decide to ignore all those negative thoughts and go ahead with the climb. You’re in pain, you’re sweating, you’re red-faced and you’re well, dying on the inside and out. You’re cursing, you keep stopping for breath and water and you’re trying not to cry. But you push through and you keep moving. Then suddenly, it’s all over. You’re there. You’re up top g. You’re on top of the world.

Suddenly, all the negatives disappear. You look down at the world and you think “I fucking did it”. I did the thing. You take many photos, you show off and you don’t even care about showing off because you know that people are going to be somewhat jealous of the sweet 360 views. You tell your friends, your family, your exes (okay maybe not) and they’re all proud of you.

And that, my friends, is why I love climbing hills. It’s a constant reminder of the hurdles you face in life and why in the end, it’s going to be okay and when you reflect, you’re going to smile at having experienced it despite the shittiness you had to go through in between. Plus check out these sick views:

IMG_2130IMG_1205IMG_1208IMG_1212 (1)Makara, Wellington

IMG_1975Rimutaka Trig Track, between Wairarapa and Wellington

IMG_1623IMG_1625IMG_1613Mount Kaukau, Wellington

IMG_0539IMG_1555Some hill in Wadestown ft. my parents, Wellington

IMG_0730IMG_0732IMG_0735IMG_0736Pencarrow Lighthouse, Eastbourne, Wellington

If you’re in Wellington and need some inspiration of hills to climb, I encourage you to check these places out. As you can see, the views are absolutely stunning!

Five things that made me happy this week #4

I know, I know… it’s a couple of days late but it’s been a busy week for me, particularly because it was a long weekend and I’ve had to catch up on work, study, assignments and driving back to New Plymouth to spend time with my parents. Despite the busyness and occasional stress, it’s been a great week filled with plenty of sparkly, glittery, sprinkle-y happiness (even though one would think it’d be a shit week given we’ve had a cyclone warning… LOL). Well… shall we begin?

Sunny days in the ‘Naki

Okay, so this year every time I go home to New Plymouth the weathers been absolutely SHITHOUSE (no exaggeration). Usually every summer, I have the opportunity to go for a swim at the beach but this year, I’ve not had the chance to because, well, the weather.

This weekend however the weathers been amaze-balls. I can’t even describe. Despite weather warnings of Cyclone Cook, it’s been pretty sunny and pretty warm with the occasional ‘sun showers’. I don’t even mind that I go to sleep to the sound of the rain drumming against the rooftop because every time I wake up, the blue skies and sun greet me with a smile.

I’ve caught up with a few of my good friends, chased the waves, met the friendliest little Samoyed called Bear, rolled down the Bowl of Brooklands (ended up with my skirt over my head but hey, such is life), ate fish and chips on the beach (FINALLY!), went to the zoo, encountered a Meerkat that’s prettier than me, walked along Oakura Beach (fuckin’ love that beach) and ate lots of good food (thanks mama bear!). Honestly, it feels like summer and I wish it never ends.

Second birthday week?

I’m not greedy. I put a question mark at the end of it because even though my birthday was last week, I found myself still receiving presents and birthday greetings. No, I’m not complaining! Hence why it’s made it to my list.

My sister bought me some penguin socks, a book, a calligraphy pen kit and some watercolour markers. Honestly, they’re so cool! And then my landlord (no I didn’t misspell, I do mean ‘landlord’. Yes I’m referring to the man who owns the house I live in and I pay him rent in order to continue living under the roof) brought some gifts for me too – a card, a bottle of chardonnay and a box of chocolates. I’ve never heard of landlords giving tenants gift so it was the loveliest surprise! Thanks Tim!

IMG_2157

Bear

On Friday, I met a beautiful Samoyed called Bear. I’m dedicating an entire section to her because ma lawd she made me the happiest person in the world!

I’m a lover of both cats and dogs and the only reason why I don’t currently own a dog is because I’m not settled and I don’t think it’s fair to own a dog while you’re not settled. I want to travel and eventually own a house so until I’ve done those two things, I’m not going to own a dog, or dogs for that matter. At the moment, I’m frothing over owning a Samoyed and a pug. Unlikeliest duo but I think it’d be the cutest damn thing ever!

So more about Bear… she’s so beautiful and fluffy and super, duper friendly. She was wet but didn’t even smell like wet dog, which was weird. She plays fetch and kept digging a hole to show off. Honestly, she’s just made my entire week. I’m just so in love and after she walked away with her hottie Slovakian dog-walker, a part of me just died. No joke. I miss her so much. If only I knew where she lives because… you know… I’d just visit… and not attempt to kidnap her…

This photo depicts the moment I spotted Bear…

18009606_10155987089504838_1535110995_n

… and the moment I got hold of Bear… SO FRIGGIN’ HAPPY.

18009965_10155987089484838_118163201_n

Get your sh*t together

Yes, I’m referring to the anti-self-help book by Sarah Knight. It was a birthday prezzie from my sister and in her words “I’m not saying you don’t have your shit together but I thought I’d buy it cause I know you’d enjoy it”. I totally agree with her on the whole enjoy part but I dunno bout the having my shit together part.

I’m not finished with the book yet but so far I’m finding it thoroughly enjoyable. She provides you with practical tips and writes with great insight and is quite, well, relatable (to me anyways). Right now, I’m so on that $5/day saving train and I know it’s sad that it’s taken an ‘anti-self-help’ book to teach me how to save but it’s just that sometimes you need to read an insightful little book that just kicks your arse and inspires you to want to be a better you and then you go out there and be a better you. Does that make sense? I dunno. It’s probably some nonsensical rambling (I’m good at those!) I suggest you just buy the book, read it, understand what I’m on about and YOLO.

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

Please ignore the crease on the top right hand corner of the book and the state of my nails 😛

Finishing my first official assignment

Guise, seriously, I feel like I’ve just won a war – a war with words that is! I completely forgot how annoying writing essays can be. I mean, this photo pretty much sums up my feelings at 1.45am this morning.

IMG_2274

… and I’ve JUST completed it. After sleepless, stressful nights, I can finally breathe and sleep easy. I think what I find the most challenging with assignments is switching up my writing tone – work and blogging means I get to be friendly, enthusiastic and conversational. Academic writing means none of that – I have to be serious, no contractions, long sentences and yawn, reference everything. Oh wait, the word count is bitch too.

Anyways, I know this one’s a boring one but I feel so chuffed. When I pressed that ‘Submit’ button, I just felt the weight of the world lift and disappear. Time for ten cups of tea to soothe my aching brain…

Do share your happiest moments this week!

 

 

 

Things that made me happy this week #3

Wow, we’re at episode three already! Where has time gone? It’s been a pretty jam-packed week for me but upon reflection, there’s been more highs than low so I can’t really complain. So with that being said, let’s begin!

Birthday week

Yes, I’m going to start with the obvious. I’m on the wrong end of my 20s now but that’s okay. I had a pretty good day on the 4th and continued to have a good birthday week. I celebrated last night with a BYO dinner and I’m worst for wear today but I’m happy. The beauty of birthdays is that it brings the people you love together. They get together to give you a card, a cake, a present, etc and they get together when you throw a party, BYO dinner or however you choose to celebrate!

I put together a post on my birthday and getting to know me. Check it out if you haven’t already!

Oh and look at these beautiful flowers I got! Happy to report, they’re still alive and kickin’!

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

Finishing my first week of assignments

I’ve decided to pick up a few papers this semester to go towards my Communications degree. I won’t go into detail as I’m planning on putting together a post on it. At times, I feel like it was the worst decision ever and I don’t know how I’m going to handle full-time work and nearly full-time study, plus regularly blogging and keeping up my social/home life.

Anyways, I handed in my three assignments today and I’m stoked as hell. It’s a huge sense of achievement for me because despite being a pretty hectic week, I’ve managed to do them and keep on top of studying. So yes, it can be done! I just need to keep it up!

IMG_2114

Baby carrots

Don’t laugh but yes, baby carrots were a highlight for me this week! I don’t mean like the little pre-packed ones you get from the supermarket, but an actual bunch of baby carrots that I scored from the markets. I’ve seen them on cooking shows and cartoons so when I chanced across them over the weekend, I couldn’t resist. I proudly displayed the leaves over my recycle bag (not that anyone would care or know what leaves they were…) Not only that, they were only $2!! They’re so delicate to chop and I can’t wait to eat my bevy of roast veges when they’re finally ready. So go baby carrots!

IMG_2137

Wellington bringing out the calm

It’s been a pretty shit week weather wise. We’ve had torrential rains and I’ve been going to work soaked. Plus when I wash and style my hair, it’s ruined in literally five minutes of leaving the house so I gave up for the rest of the week. As in I didn’t wash my hair or style it – I just brushed it and let it be. Gross, I know.

But this weekend, it’s been absolutely stunning and the sun came out for us! Despite being kinda cold, it was still nice to see the sun out with a smile on its dial. It definitely put a smile on my dial! 

No I didn’t draw penises in the sand… I came across them and thought they were worthy to be photographed. Yes, I had a little chuckle too. And I didn’t catch that fish – my friend and I were sitting on the wharf with some men fishing and he caught the little nipper. I think they said it was a leather fish? Who knows.

D&D sesh

Yes, I play Dungeons and Dragons and yes, I really enjoy it! We had a 3 week break due to time constraints and illnesses but we regrouped this week and had a wonderful session. For those of you who don’t know what D&D is, it’s a fantasy roleplaying game where characters are created by the participants and these characters go on an imaginary adventure in the fantasy setting. There’s a dungeon master that acts as the storyteller and referee for the whole adventure.

I play with my best friend, sister and ex-flatmates and honestly, it’s been really enjoyable. I used to think it was a game for nerds but our group is the most unlikeliest group of people to play D&D and we’re doing well so far. If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend giving it a go! At least once!

What made you happy this week? I’d be very keen to hear it!