No BS affirmations singletons need to remember

Listen up single people; we’ve all been there. We’ve had days where we know being single is awesome and we value our independence and freedom and we have days where we drown ourselves in a pool of our own tears because shit, why are we single and why won’t anyone love us?

I’m definitely one of those people. I spend more time embracing singledom than I do worrying about not having someone to love and to look after me and cuddle me when times get rough. But even though I’m happy with my single status, sometimes I need to remind myself that being single is all good in the hood. More often than not, we’re single because we choose to be! So before you wallow into your pillow and tuck into a huge tub of Ben and Jerry’s, I’ve compiled a list of no-bull affirmations to remind you that hey, single is actually okay.

You’re not going to be single forever

No, I’m not saying this just to make you feel better about your current situation. You WILL find someone when you’re ready. Hell, you’ll probably find someone when the last thing you want is to find your perfect match! I’m a firm believer of there being someone for everyone and right now, you may not have someone but that someone will turn up and you’ll be like “OH HEY YOU’RE MY SOMEONE” and then you’ll remember this post and be like “OH THAT PERSON WAS RIGHT”. I love happy endings.

You can be selfish and look out for number one guilt-free

It’s important to always look out for number one – no I don’t mean partners, I mean you. Being single is good for the soul because you can be selfish and do things for only you. You don’t have to factor someone else’s’ thoughts and opinions into your decisions; the only one that matters is yours.

Want to buy that Louis Vuitton bag? Fucking do it. Want to stay out with your girls until 7am in the morning and make poor decisions and wind up waking up in some hotties bed? Who’s gonna stop you? Want to dye your hair fluorescent green? YOLO dude, YOLO.

The point is you don’t have a significant other to influence your decisions. You’re making decisions for you. Besides, you end up learning more about yourself, what makes you tick, have a stronger sense of self and end up being completely self-relient which is very sexy might I add. These are very important qualities to have, not just as a single person but for when you’re in a relationship as well.

And besides, you can order all the foods and enjoy it yourself without having to share with the other person… most important point…

You could be in a relationship if you wanted to

And you know I’m right. You could download Tinder or Badoo or OkCupid, hit people up with some smooth pick up lines, go on a few dates and presto, suddenly you’re in a thing. Long or short term, the point is you’re in a thing.

But you’re not. You know why? Because you don’t want to be. Because you don’t want to lower your standards or make compromises because you know your self-worth. Better yet, you’re still trying to work it all out so until you do, you’re just going to stay single. And hey, that’s totally okay.

Relationships are HARD

And that’s the reality of it. We ALWAYS see the good parts of relationships, whether it’s in rom-coms, sitting in the theatre or at dinner next to a loved up couple or even when we’re at work and our co-workers give us the 4-1-1 on all the romantic things their partner’s done for them.

DON’T DESPAIR. Deep down you know it’s not all smooth sailing and it takes a lot to keep a relationship afloat. You gotta take the good with the bad. When you’re single, you’re investing your emotions and energy on yourself, your family and your friends and let’s be honest, sometimes that’s more than enough. So embrace your somewhat free time while you can because as soon as you get into a relationship, you know it’s going to take a lot out of you.

And just think about the time your best friend and their partner were fighting over something petty and then they tried to get you involved and you’re like HELL NO and then you bolt and then think to yourself “thank fuck i’m single”. Or the time you had to comfort your friend because their partner was out drinking and didn’t tell them and they’re currently experiencing trust issues? Yeah, just keep hold of that memory. Here’s a lil lol for you:

aa08c7a7dc83a17b2ddec3434e6e9ea6

Good things take time

This is applicable to so many things, not just relationships. It’s important that we don’t just settle for the sake of settling. It’s also important that we take the time to look at ways to get to know ourselves and love ourselves. Because it’s true what they say: how can you love and appreciate someone else when you can’t even love and appreciate yourself?

Take the time to cultivate and nourish yourself before you commit to cultivating and nourishing someone and something else.

So there you have it people – my no BS affirmation list for singletons. Hopefully you found it useful. Little reminders are so important! I know my single friends definitely need these reminders from time to time and it’s totally okay.

If you’ve got something else to add to the list, I encourage you to do so as I’d love to hear your thoughts!

8d8b31d443589608ce93a08cd09239b5

… cheese I know but dat accuracy dough…

Advertisements

Oh hey, I quit.

Guess what? I’ve been unemployed for over a week. Wow. It feels really surreal saying that out loud (or typing it for that matter!). It’s still sinking in. I remember before I got sick, when my alarm went off it was such a struggle to get up and I’d lie in bed starring blankly at my ceiling wondering if I really needed the job. I’d daydream about the unemployed life and it’d leave me with a smile on my face… until I realise the reality is I have bills and responsibilities and I’m an adult (more like a bad-ult). Then I’d roll my eyes, grunt loudly and get out of bed. It was never easy and to be honest, it still isn’t easy.

But since being unemployed, I never thought that I’d actually miss my job and making money. Like seriously. I feel kind of like I have no purpose and that sort of makes me sad because I think as humans we need to have a purpose to feel somewhat complete.

c782adff7ae53e4f1469763a924f33b7

So why did I quit my job? There were a number of factors that came into play and the decision wasn’t an easy one at all.  In fact, the thought never crossed my mind until my sister suggested I quit my job and move back home to focus on my health and getting better. So as you can see, health played a major part in my decision.

I loved my job. I loved what I was doing. But I found myself loving it less and less and feeling more and more unmotivated and that was because I was too busy thinking about the implications my health was having on my life. I couldn’t come to work so I was letting my team down and I wasn’t there for my stakeholders. I couldn’t design and deliver communications plans if I wasn’t there to understand a project and think of radical ways to market and engage with the audience. It also felt like there were some radical changes coming up in the organisation that could have a negative impact on my role and I. I also felt lost 99% of the time.

My mental health started deteriorating because my brain was on overdrive thinking about pain, letting the side down, not feeling inspired, wondering how I was going to pay my bills because I was on unpaid leave and wanting to literally give up because being optimistic felt 150% harder when you’re unwell. If you’ve read my ‘They’re definitely two of the hardest things’ blog, you’ll also know that I was trying to keep my emotions at bay (and failing miserably).

So yeah, I took the plunge and handed in my resignation. I left my flat and moved back to a small city to live with my parents. Yes, I’m 27 and I’m currently living with my parents.

I have days where I feel like it was possibly the worst decision ever particularly because it felt like I’d given up on my career. BUT deep down I know that’s not the case at all and I’m doing it because I’m focusing on getting number one (me!) better and ready for my next big adventure.

It’s hard when you’re an ambitious workaholic like me to go from spending ten hour days in the office to spending no days in the office (unless blogging counts as a day in the office?). But I know that this is possibly the best decision for me and when I’m doing better, I’ll return to the workforce, guns blazing and ready to conquer the world. Plus this gives me time to focus on the things I enjoy… like reading and writing (yay more blogs!).

e86d25d361eed4d570655280f2ffa8d0

Oh! You wanna know something funny? I was completing a food/stress diary for my nutritionist and it’s incredible to think that I haven’t been stressed out in the last week. It’s such a strange feeling to not be stressed, worried or upset about something. Methinks I could get used to this life.

Tell me, have you had to take the plunge and take some time off to focus on you?

Today, I’m choosing myself

Today’s blog is a creative piece that I felt I needed to write. It’s almost like a letter saying hello to myself and goodbye to the old. I hope you like it as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it.

684f73a57c0eec370c8d8e6b3f8bebd9Pinterest

There have been plenty of days where I’ve thought about you and wondered how you were doing, what you were doing, if you’re thinking about me, if you’re thinking about us and if you’re counting the hours, minutes and seconds until we see each other again.

Today is not one of those days. Today is the day where I’m going to think about how I’m doing, what I’m doing, what I’m going to accomplish and who I need to be. Today is the day that I’m going to stop wasting my time looking at my phone, waiting for your message or worst yet, waiting for you.

Today I’m going to scroll through memes and enjoy them without thinking of sharing them with you; I’m going to lie in the spot that you used to sleep in and enjoy the space instead of wishing you were in it. I’m going to text my friends and get excited when they reply without wishing it was you I was texting. I’m going to walk through the park in the rain with a smile on my face without wishing you were there with me. Today, I’m going to do everything for me without you having any power or influence over any of my decisions and my happiness.

I know it’s not going to be an easy ride but it starts with one day; a day to acknowledge that you’ve had plenty of chances and opportunities, that I’ve given you so much more than you’ve given back, that I’ve lost myself with you and that I’m better off without you. Today I’m choosing myself; I’m going to let go of all the thoughts in my head and the heaviness in my heart and I’m going to heal and come out stronger.

It’s easy for us to choose others’ happiness and thoughts over our own; it’s harder to focus on living and enjoying life when we’re too busy thinking about what we’ve done to push someone away. It’s not easy loving yourself when you’re busy loving someone else and blaming yourself when they don’t return the feelings because you feel like it’s your fault. Of course it’s your fault; why aren’t you perfect? You need to be more perfect. You hate yourself for not being their idea of perfection.

But that’s no longer going to be case. I am perfect; they’re just not perfect for me. Today I choose to accept myself and my shortcomings and I’m going to listen to myself. I’m going to learn to love myself and work through my flaws and I’m going to grow and become stronger. It’s the beginning of a decision that will last forever. It’s the beginning of me choosing to no longer put you ahead of me. It’s the beginning of me forgetting you and choosing me.

Today, I’m choosing myself.

040fd4201750ad7021d0398385f5b185.jpg Pinterest

They’re definitely two of the hardest things

In the last month, I did two of what I consider the hardest, scariest things: one, I put my heart on the line and told a boy how I really felt rather than dismissed my feelings and running away from them and two, I let him go.

In my 27 years of life, I’ve never actually told a boy how I felt. I’m the type of person that doesn’t like feeling vulnerable and exposed. I like to give the façade that I’m unbreakable and strong, but deep down I’m a fucking marshmallow. Now dear reader, you know the truth.

CffpUo_WIAE8TCc

If you read my last post, you would’ve guessed that being sick made me realise that life is short and that I need to get my shit in order. One of the things I thought was to tell this boy the truth and let whatever happens, happen. It went well at the time… and then it didn’t a week later.

In the last month, I’ve been through a tumultuous rollercoaster ride of emotions. I’ve been very high, very low, very neutral and I never know what to expect when I wake up in the morning. While it may seem normal and exciting for us as humans to wake up and live for the unpredictability of life, it’s actually quite scary when you’re a bit of an emotional wreck like I’ve been lately. I’m not myself.

I knew that I was putting the poor boy through my emotional hell. And I couldn’t allow myself to leave my emotions in his hands because I was incapable of looking after it myself. Then I made the rash decision to end things. I walked away.

I walked away because I wasn’t doing him any favours and because I wasn’t doing myself any favours. It’s true what they say – how can you learn to love someone else when you can’t even love yourself?

72b212f099f74ed06c78374c87900cc0--take-care-of-yourself-quotes-inspiration-self-care-quotes-love-yourself

Walking away is hard because you don’t want to seem like you’ve given up but you also don’t want to be stuck in something that can’t go forward because you’re busy trying to keep it and your life afloat.

While I’ve spent the last few days allowing the reality of what I’ve done sink in and wondering whether or not I’ve made the right decision, ultimately I know I need to remind myself that I need to do what it takes to make sure I’m happy. While it hurts now, I’m proud of myself for doing these two things and owning them. I know it’ll get easier.

Right now, I need to give myself the time and effort I need to grow and be happy. And while I don’t believe in fate or destiny, I know that if things were meant to be, they’ll be. Now I’m signing out to go make some more important decisions… watch this space.

I will however leave you with this message:

Dear reader, never give up on yourself. You were destined for great things. If you’re going through a rough time, remember to give yourself the opportunity to show you that your life can be better and everything will be okay.

7d58f1256fc4983a6a5b1d3c4441f0cc--miserable-people-insecure-people.jpg

You do you boo

I’m back. I realised that I lied in my last post about spamming you guys with blog posts after being sick. I didn’t lie on purpose; I had every intention of spamming you guys with blog posts but unfortunately, the sickness took over and I was left bedridden and unhappy.

Now, after two months, I finally feel well enough to get my life back on track. And part of that is getting back to blogging.

Let me tell you, when you’re sick, particularly bedridden, you’re left with a lot of time to yourself to think, worry and stress about things. I chose to view it as an opportunity to reprioritise my life and think about what’s actually important to me. I thought I’d share with you the top three things I learnt and am vowing to keep in my top three priorities.

Work is not important

I repeat, work is not important. Sure having money is lovely but at the end of the day, you need to think about you and make sure you’re well and happy before you commit to your career.

I know this seems like quite an obvious point but I’ve always been a high achiever so I ended up working long hours just to try and please and get results that are beyond 100%. A recurring theme from feedback I’d get from my managers is that sometimes 80% is perfect and I should accept that. Weeeeell, took me getting sick to learn that lesson.

Last week was my first week at work and I’ve been taking it easy. I’m slowly learning that I don’t need to stress myself out in order to get brilliant results. And I don’t need to break my back on overtime that’s basically unjustified. Like my last manager used to say to me, sometimes 80% is good enough so learn to accept that when you’ve given it your all and done your best, that’s all you can do and that’s all someone should expect of you.

You should be your number one priority

Another obvious one, but I think sometimes we need to be reminded that we should be looking after ourselves and making sure we’re our number one priority. Because let’s be honest, it’s unlikely that we’re anyone else’s number one priority. Sometimes life gets a bit crazy and we forget. And I know I’m not the only one that forgets!

Remember this is the only life you’ve got to live and it’s hard to live it to the fullest when you’re unwell. Trust me, I know.

Go home early, have that bath, buy that scarf you’ve been eyeballing for a thousand years, ask that girl that makes your coffee every morning out… (okay getting carried away). My point is, make sure you do you boo.

Life is short

A recurring theme in all these points but it’s true. Life is so damn short. Remember when you were younger and you thought life was moving so slowly and you just wanted to grow up and make your own rules and do all these awesome things? And then you finally grow up and you’re like “oh shivers, now I’m running out of time to do all those awesome things cause time is moving so fast”.

Yeah well my friend, time is moving pretty quickly but it’s never too late to do all those awesome things you wanna do.

Live your life man. Look after yourself. After all, it’s the only one you’ll get so make the most of it.

il_340x270.1272640127_kkga

 

 

Always remember sunscreen

The other day, my lovely co-worker sent me a link to Baz Luhrmann’s ‘Everybody’s free to wear sunscreen’. It was honestly the sweetest thing in the world given that I was having a pretty rough day at work. Oh and he sweetened it up even more by buying me a hot chocolate as well (thank you Alex!!!).

The reason why I was having a rough day was because I was filled with self-doubt about my career choice and my ability to do my job well. I guess I wasn’t getting much job satisfaction lately because I wasn’t involved in as many projects as I’d like to be and the projects that I was on were all placed on hold.

Anyways, Alex took me out for hot chocolate, listened to me moan about my first world problems and when I came back from lunch, the link was waiting for me in my inbox. It really put a smile on my dial because it put things in perspective for me and it was pretty inspirational. I sent the link to my sister and my friend and her response was “oh I remember this from high school or something… funny how it’s actually relevant now and makes sense”. Pretty accurate.

To be fair, if I read the essay or watched the video in high school it probably wouldn’t have resonated with me as much as it does now. It makes a lot of sense… especially being kind to your knees because I know for a fact that I’d miss them when they’re gone!

So what is this ‘wear sunscreen’ anyways? It’s an essay originally titled “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young” (how relevant!) and columnist Mary Schmich writes it like a commencement speech. It was published in 1997 in the Chicago Tribune.

There are many elements of the essay that’s relatable to all of us. Sometimes I feel like we’re all strung up in the rat race of adult life and we start feeling weak and lose our purpose but the thing is, we shouldn’t lose purpose. Failure is part of life; success comes from learning from these failures. If you keep making the same mistakes, it’s time to sit down, breathe and work out what it is that’s driving you to make those mistakes over and over again.

And then there’s worrying. I’m a stickler for worrying about EVERYTHING… right down to the minuscule detail. But it’s true what the essay says… “worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum”. I accept it’s true and I’m getting better at worrying less so I can declutter le brain.

So what I’m saying is, when life gets hard and you feel like you’ve had enough, do as Alex says… just remember sunscreen.

IMG_2293 Yes, I went to work the next day and he left me a bubba bottle of sunscreen with a wee reminder. I have that reminder taped to my computer monitor and it has actually helped when the going gets tough at work 🙂 Thanks Alex.

Also, if you’ve succeeded in remembering compliments and forgetting insults, please share how you do this. For real.

Why I love climbing hills

I know what you’re thinking. Why the fuck would anyone love climbing hills? It’s hard work and it’s exercise and don’t pretend like you enjoy hard work and exercise.

Well, I’m not going to pretend I like either of those things because I don’t. What I love though is the end result of the hard work and exercise required to climb the hill. Let me break it down for you:

You’re at the bottom looking up. You see your destination and you’re thinking “Fuck. This.” Fair enough. You’re full of adrenaline and your brain is thinking of all the excuses in the world to not do the climb but there’s another part of you that’s telling you “yo, the view up top will be mean g”. You start walking and taking those first few steps are the hardest because you’re still debating and thinking “it’s not too late to turn back now. No one is going to think you’re a pussy for giving up. It’s okay to do it now” because you know once you’re halfway and you give up, that’s when people are allowed to judge you and label you a ‘giver upper’. If you give up and turn back, you know you’ll feel relief for not having to climb anymore but when you think about later tonight, in bed, you’re going to think you’re a sore loser and that you should’ve just kept going and seen the views and now you’ll have to start it all over again and go through all the drama.

So you decide to ignore all those negative thoughts and go ahead with the climb. You’re in pain, you’re sweating, you’re red-faced and you’re well, dying on the inside and out. You’re cursing, you keep stopping for breath and water and you’re trying not to cry. But you push through and you keep moving. Then suddenly, it’s all over. You’re there. You’re up top g. You’re on top of the world.

Suddenly, all the negatives disappear. You look down at the world and you think “I fucking did it”. I did the thing. You take many photos, you show off and you don’t even care about showing off because you know that people are going to be somewhat jealous of the sweet 360 views. You tell your friends, your family, your exes (okay maybe not) and they’re all proud of you.

And that, my friends, is why I love climbing hills. It’s a constant reminder of the hurdles you face in life and why in the end, it’s going to be okay and when you reflect, you’re going to smile at having experienced it despite the shittiness you had to go through in between. Plus check out these sick views:

IMG_2130IMG_1205IMG_1208IMG_1212 (1)Makara, Wellington

IMG_1975Rimutaka Trig Track, between Wairarapa and Wellington

IMG_1623IMG_1625IMG_1613Mount Kaukau, Wellington

IMG_0539IMG_1555Some hill in Wadestown ft. my parents, Wellington

IMG_0730IMG_0732IMG_0735IMG_0736Pencarrow Lighthouse, Eastbourne, Wellington

If you’re in Wellington and need some inspiration of hills to climb, I encourage you to check these places out. As you can see, the views are absolutely stunning!